leaves on the seine.

goodness.
I wasted four hours of sleep just to blog. Worse, the enty did not come out as I desired. But it's fine. Wahhh one more day to SCHOOL. I'm kinda excited actually, not too excited about the homework I've gotta clear, though. Grrh. Hmm no idea what I'm gonna do today, BESIDES HOMEWORK. sheesh. At least there's training on Monday.

IT'S GONNA END! the world's gonna step into 2005 in around 36 minutes more.
a recap on what i did today- met mark and shu at wheelock's. we were supposed to buffet at sakae's but the manager informed us that they weren't offering buffet for today. made sense, judging by the crowd inside and the snaking queue outside. aiyah, basically the mood was very tense and awkward and to cut the many drama scenes that unfolded short, we decided on lunching at swensen's. the baked rice was good as usual, mark had cheesy beef burger which was equally delightful. and the awkwardness slowly but surely dissipated... we then walked around, window shopped for bags, watches, wallets and clothes. but i didn't try anything on because it was crowded everywhere and it didn't really make sense especially since i wasn't intending on buying anything jst now. trained home with shu. had a barbeque over at my grandma's. they boought a cake and sang a bday song whilst i was reading in the room. i totally forgot my sister's birthday's 4 days away :/ it was good seeing my grandparents. as the years go by, i'm seeing less and less of them. which is bad, since they raised me up everyday for 6-odd years.
enough of today.

let's begin an insight on yesterday..


october, november, december.
i've got no more energy to continue. (i began from january all the way here) hahaha. it's already 3, i've been going at it since 12 and somehow it's so... void of emotion. sorry, descriptives were never my forte.

september.
emotions similar to our defeat of RI were stirred up as we beat scc on the 4th of sept. it was a must-win game and we didn't disappoint.
september 4th marked a very important milestone for mark. a happy day, i remember. heh. don't give up. stress stress stress.

august.
hmmm. i dn't have a link for august, i wonder why. i just remember more matches for src and obs at the end of the month.


july.
http://zulieee.blogspot.com/2004_07_01_zulieee_archive.html
hmm i started july rejuvenated. i started really wanting to do well and i'd have to say it started out well. i started training with src on tuesday and thursday nights, continuing my love affair with the Padang. hurms. i played my first ever Div 2 club match against bedok kings. one to remember, definitely. cos it was my first time playing at sentosa ( i didnt even know there was a pitch! ) src trainings are great and i play with a bunch of awesome ruggers. very gifted and the very best at the sport. playing with them, the ac guys especially has made me a better player and definitely more confident as well.
and of course, who could forget the 24th of July? the magical night. (: the night i still reminisce about with awe and fondness. kindred spirits was... undescribable, really. being out there in front of 700 pairs of eyes, to be caressing the keys, the notes which i grew to remember with such ease... the richness of the violin and the cello.. the harmony in sound.. i'd do ANYTHING to relive that night. i wna perform next year. i'm either gonna try emceeing or playing "cristofori's dream" it's a haunting, revolutionary piece by david lanz. new age. (: and so for this night alone, it made up for the rest of the shit that happened in july.


june.
http://zulieee.blogspot.com/2004_06_01_zulieee_archive.html
the wedding by nicholas sparks was superb. one of the best novels i've ever read, really. taman negara was fun. but it was marred by a stupid misunderstanding with sheer. that we're not even talking face to face till now. stupid stupid trivial misunderstanding. aiyah. lltc was a great experience too, the st pats guys were an eye-opener. it showed us the other side of the fence, in a way. but it was all good in the end. my group kinda had a funky mix of people.

may.
http://zulieee.blogspot.com/2004_05_01_zulieee_archive.html
ha. may was depressing, albeit it being my birthday month. fast rise, fast fall. but as i said, it's fine. i mean, some things happen to teach you certain lessons. and i sure learnt alot. i failed five subs can you believe it. after that i told myself, "zul this is it. you wake up your idea today" and i did la. which was good. failing 5 was the lowest point of my academic life in SJI. it wont happen again. unless someone sweeps me off my feet and drops me the next month again, la. haha. i got a jockstrap for my birthday courtesy of mark nigel and jon. buffeted at hyatt with them on my birthday night. hell fun. playing the piano too. whoosh. i seriously hope my 16th birthday this year would be memorable. guys make it fun okay.

april.
http://zulieee.blogspot.com/2004_04_01_zulieee_archive.html

as compared to the previous months, april's archives was twice more. something exciting, something fresh, something new was in my life. and i was ecstatic about it. ha. april's our school sports day. very exciting period too, the heats and all. i enjoyed it. the only major trick that was played was by Mrs Lajendar on her 407 class. immediately after everyone settled into class after assembly, she sent them out to the first level field. the whole class. looking damn serious as if they're being punished or something. then, she unfurled a vanguard sheet saying "April's Fool" haha i thought that was good. SJI's B Division concluded the Police Cup '04 with victory over RI of course. it's one of the best games i've played and the satisfaction at beating them.. it was like no other, really. zonghao of all people scored the solitary try. fantastic game. (: one that i'll always remember. and so it goes. i found someone who knocked me off my feet, someone who made me feel complete. very apt at that point of time. the friendship was blossoming quickly. too quickly, looking back now. but i wasn't gonna push it away, definitely not. i needed someone new in my life and she came at the right time. 9th april- taka, pastamania scotts, creamy chicken and marinara, forum, toys'r'us, coffee bean, kiwi strawberry. enough said. no awkwardness, things were very easy-going. thanks to yusof and mun who were there as well i guess. 10th. mark's birthday! triple fudge brownie, 190, cck, tuition. 100m finals. then, it was the best two days i had. many more to come. aiyahh. to cut a long and happy april short, it was fun. and memorable. and it thought me alot of things. the things we did, what we talked about would always remain etched in my memory. but nothing more. why remember the bad, when the blissful moments were enough to last a lifetime? thank you. hours and hours on the phone with school the next day. talked to ashley more, realised how amazing that guy was. solving problems and all. basically fun stuff, us doing weights, talking etc. thanks ash, really. sports day was great, breaking the record for 4x100 was wicked. yusof burnt the track man. but i guess next year onwards' gonna be a much tougher fight. no record, but the gold's enough. april concluded with jersey girl and a rather uneventful day. the beginning of the end. heh.

march.
http://zulieee.blogspot.com/2004_03_01_zulieee_archive.html

hahaha. we beat barker. and my entry was apparently kinda controversial and definitely pugnacious. but ohwells it was written in glee as it was a hard-fought win. we celebrated nigel's birthday in style. it didnt really go as planned, but it was smooth enough. we sang his birthday song at the paragon rooftop to conclude that day and yeah, it was indeed a joyous occasion. memorable for him as well as for us. just one of the many activites zmni jvi did together to strengthen our bonds of friendship. the march holidays was forgettable i'd suppose? i dn't recall much save for the trainings that we had. hmm oh YES! the scc 7s. that sparked my love affair with the Padang. hah. i love playing 7s, especially scoring the tries. hoho. i loved it, it really bonded the team. which consisted of basically the core members of the team, both backs and forwards. aaron, khidir, joel, myself, russell, john thio, mark, javier, kann and shaun. sji vs sas. this match never fails to garner much attention. it's always been a clash of epic proportions, basically. we were deadlocked till ten minutes into the second half. one player single-handedly let down the whole team. one player let it 3 tries, all scored through this player's running lines. with this loss, our dream of reaching the finals just disappeared into thin air. months and months of preparation meant for nothing. SJI, again, were destined for the 3rd&4th placing just like every other year before them. just cos of that one player, who didnt tackle. who somehow, screwed up. it just shows no matter how motivated or fired up you are, you can still suffer from lapses in concentration. i reckon it was a day that player wanted to forget. he teared after the match. hard. and buried that day till today. as this player who let the team down recalls that dreadful day. it's thought me alot, and i'll never let the team down like that ever again. ever. i got to know this girl whom i fell head over heels for. my first conversation with this girl lasted till 2 am in the morning. knowing this girl gave me a whole new definition for "sizzling chemistry."

february.
http://zulieee.blogspot.com/2004_02_01_zulieee_archive.html

i was kind of lovesick or so i thought at the start of feb, hence the song "all out of love" the emptiness left by d was starting to kinda sink in. but of course i eventually came to terms with it. there would be many occasions to follow where i'd feel really out la, especially when everyone around me's involved with a special someone. but one of the things i've learnt is that, this so called lovesick feeling is nothing more than a phase, lasting not more than a few days or weeks. training is as intensive as it could get. i hosted the rugby barbeque and it was great, most of the B Division were there. Javier and Mark slept over that night, drinking Jack Daniel's and a Corona. hahaha. we had to smuggle the bottles out of the room the next morning :/ reading back the entries in feb and jan, i realised that there was a certain spring or positiveness from me which i cn't sense now. the difference would tell after april, i'm sure. heh. i recall the RI game. haha we lost to them marginally. but well, it was a match to forget and i had distractions off-field too. oooh. CHARLOTTE was there. that, i recall. haha. we had dinner at junction8, jav shu jan and dalun. mel jo were there too. after that, we went to novena terrace and hankypankied there. hahahaha. a.... 5-some? eeyer. heh i already had some problems in february. very... tumultous.

january.
http://zulieee.blogspot.com/2004_01_01_zulieee_archive.html

i recall writing a long entry as i am intending to write now, exactly a year ago. and i don't know what i pressed but it just disappeared. being a doo, yes char i hear you. ha. the first day of school remains hazy but i recall it being very quiet. but of course only for the first day. every day that followed developed into a place that could rival any wet market around.. complete with the ah mois haggling for vegetable prices, serious. through it all, i was thankful for yusof. he was the sole reason that prevented me from going insane in a class which i totally didnt fit into. i shudder at the prospect of going through sec 4 next year without him. knowing him really made life happier and all. we were really close la. but as alicia keys says, "what goes up must come down" and like all good things, something happened and things deteriorated. but things are fine now, although the same kinda chemistry can never be rekindled, i'm thankful nonetheless. i "escaped" from the disdain i had for my class by playing and training even harder for rugby. i liked my new teachers though, very warm and they seemed really sincere to help. i took quite awhile to accept tracy goh but i soon realised she's very very patient and yeah she's a great teacher. i recall being in charge of sec101 for the secondary one orientation camp. it was good, i guess. the guys were damn small la, haha. all in all, january like all the previous januaries, are very hazy. nothing more than orientation stuff, and getting used to new environments etc. i hope i'll start this january on a great note, and everything else can fall into place

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tomorrow and beyond..

myself- we all know it's gonna be big year for you and every other 16 year old this year. you yourself know that this is it, your last year in SJI, your last season playing rugby for SJI, your last year being in a class in SJI, having recess in SJI's canteen, peeing in SJI's stink-ass toilets (irrelevent).. so on and so forth. zul you've gotta be disciplined, more than ever. when it comes to conplete assignments, you complete. when it comes to revising, you revise. fun? hanging out? i'm sure you'll have fun and all. i think i'll do fine this year. be strong zul, be strong.

nigel- hey. (: what a year, eh? we leave 2004 with a stronger and more solid friendship. you've always been there when i needed motivation, i would never forget your sms when i was so close to giving up nearing to the end year's. it's a two way thing nigel. we're there for each other okay? you be strong. you be happy. so much has happened, but you'll come out of it a stronger person, having learn from the mistakes and all. you're very blessed, nigel. i really cn't thank you enough for the laughter, the tears, the stress. everything! oh and mark spotted a singh tdy, hence a very nasty bruise on my arm. God bless you, 2005 and beyond. pour toujours.

maaaaaaaaaark- sustain the fire and passion. just 4 months more, i know you'll do it. you too be strong. aiyah you're strong but be more patient and tolerant of everybody ard you. thank you okay? for allowing me an avenue to release my lame jokes. and my stink-ass farts as well. haha. chicken shit wld always be available. jst tell me. looking forward to '05 with you along with ni and jon.

jon (: - jon, jon jon. what can i say? haha THE joke. i love you okay. mark doesnt mean it, i do. you're forever there to prevent me from slipping into fantasy world. meaning, your cool cucumber demeanour allows me to see things clearly whenever i've got distractions or whatever. it's been a great year. and i'm happy for you jon. enough said, happy new year and all the best for canoeing and ahem ahem yeah? (:

ruggers '05- train hard, whenever each of you feel like giving up during physical or a match, think of SJI. you reap what you sow. let's die together to get to the finals, guys. our last chance. cheers to the final.

eunice- you've been a really fun part of my life and you've provided comic relief. regardless of how lame we can be lah. but the peanut butters, 100 dollar honey, wasabe seaweed and your piano wld be dearly remembered no matter what. you have fun next year, okay. jst have fun, fail everything it doesnt matter. you're still sec3. hah. this is the year you get involved in shit. why, cos i trust you wont be a bad girl right. thanks eunice, for everything. all the best. (:

shuying- ac girl! with new climacools to boot eh? i'll be your reflection... your mirror for many more years to come dearest. take care okay, enjoy jc life. (:

robs- i'm glad i was of some help to you. you can continue to always count on me okay? whenever, about whatever, wherever. i've always had nice conversations with you, mostly online and it's been a pleasure knowing you. we're so alike, especially about our ideals on love. well, pls be strong you. dont give me anymore nonsense about seul or anything like that okay? i want more positivity. it's there, all in you robs. you jst need the confidence, alright? all the best dear (:

fanis- i'll remind you again, NO MORE LATE DINNERS IN 2005 okay? haha stubborn you. it's unhealthy. hope your sister recovers faster than schedule so she can start writing again. as for you, well. i've got confidence in you, you seem to reek of success. so dn't give up even if you wont be able to see the results now. it'll show through. thanks for being there, cu. i appreciate it, really.

denise- what a year. but we survived. remember what i told you in the email okay. enough said. dn't be distracted or whatever. show me the 6 points for Os. okay? talk to you soon. (:

melissa- haha hey NERD! =D pretty elegant nerd, la okay? haha. no wonder you werent showing your teeth when you smiled in StarShots. we havent really gone out much like last year, but i'm glad we wrapped up 2004 with that Christmas Eve. thanks mel. your cheerfulness and that omni-present high pitched voice, that ever-so-distinct "totally" nvr fails to make me smile. haha. continue the gossip okay? they're all saying it's gonna be a busy year. therefore when we catch up you gotta be ready to tell me everything i should know. thanks for the times i needed to thrash things out and you were there. you've been great. have a good year, i'll pray you wont get all the homework you loathe alright. (: goodluck.

pei- same applies to you. where were you before the Christmas Week man?? haha glad you're back though. continue walking down the straight road okay? (:

jo- you've got to know what you want. i can only guide you, you have to make the decisions okay? dn't get too distracted too. i'll be here for you. good luck jo.

clara- fish! it's been fun, the conferences, prata and all. thank you, you've never failed to try to always be there for me. all the best next year okay, regardless of your Os, work hard okay? and be happy.

CHARLOTTE- what have we here? -looks around. it looks like.... bull poo. i've saved the best for last okay, honoured? haha and there you go starting to dot me. it's been..... phenomenal having you around during the holidays. glad we kinda got closer. the jokes, the taunts, the gossips. goodness, i shall refrain from such feminine indulgences starting today. haha. when things looked bleak, you were there. (zoo/rugby dilemma) in you, i find many similarities which i can really relate to. and it's such an unspoken joy whenever i speak to you. but we're practically laughing every other sentence, please. i'm overjoyed that i've finally found someone who's able to give me a daily, regular dose of endorphins. haha. definitely we wont be able to have the same kinda madness and fun once school starts, but it's been a holiday to remember for sure. we wont drift. thanks char, for everything. good luck. dn't ever let anything deter you from dance or whatever. you're a really confident person so go out and do your thing okay? sexy ass? haha. looking forward to seeing you at my matches.



and so it ends. 4 hours of this. and i'm not satisfied. i havent been able to portray what i'm feeling. many things i havent written down. but then again, descriptives, eh? haha. goodnight. it's 0415. i'd better get some rest. homework day tmr.

love, all.

It pains me when I read Nigel's entry on the group's blog.
As I recalled the times that he described..
As his words slowly made its way into my system, killing every cell mercilessly along the way...
I just couldn't help but shake my head in incredulity. At how unfair and cruel life can be at times. At how one person's life can go careening out of control at the decision of another. At how God can allow such injustice to be done to someone who in my eyes is the most perfect and flawless human being around.

Today was the prefects' AGM. Although it was nothing but an agm. Today was a complete waste of time. Why, because nothing productive was done. The icebreakers weren't even icebreakers. Sydney Tan didn't even brief us about what's gonna happen on the first day of school. He only came in and rambled something about the first 2 of the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and left cause he had to meet a parent. 396 new Sec Ones, 46% of which are from CBS ( Christian Brother Schools ) In Sydney's eyes, that's a good thing cos then the school spirit could be nurtured much easier.

I'm still coming to terms with tomorrow being the last day of the year. And not to mention the ever-rising death toll. Scary, really. This pretty much sets the mood and tone for 2005, eh? Whilst us, fools, would be partying the night away tomorrow here and around the globe, hundreds of thousands of Asians would be mourning loss of lives, property etc. It's not difficult to make this world a better place, really. Sydney Tan said, "What do you do when you see a piece of litter in public? You pick it up and throw it away. Just imagine if everyone had this mentality, it'd be a much cleaner place. I thought it made sense, that if all of us synergise and put our hearts and minds to a single cause, eg, end poverty, it can be done really. Soccer players, even those in the lower rungs of the Premiership, their weekly salary if converted to Sg Dollars is equivalent to many a family's ANNUAL salary. It's ridiculous, the money given out. I'm slowly opening my eyes to the many vices and injustices in this world. And like any other teenager conscious of everything happening not only around them, but beyond them, I'm frustrated at the lack of action being done. Oh wells, again, as Sydney said " Let us concentrate on the small, achievable things first. The major issues, we let our government handle "
He makes alot of sense. As much as I hate his decisions with regards to the PB, I never fail to admire and respect him for his wisdom, attitude and character.

Recollection starts tomorrow.

Love, all.

Today's training concluded everything for 2004. It was fun.
3 hours of touch rugby + many tries + much laughter = an excruciating cramp in my left calf. haha it was a comical sight to behold. i was writhing in pain on the floor but laughing as well. tried to burn mark on the wing, but ended up burning my calf please. haha but it hurt. it's the worst cramp i had so far. but worth it. we did some circuits, eg pushups, crunches, squats etc. today's training emphasised the point yet again, that i shouldnt take the team for granted. i took for granted that everyone, at least the first teamers would come for training three times a week, every week. but i guess not.. i dn't know. maybe they're not as passionate about rugby or whatever. but i've learnt not to take it for granted. it's simple really, they dn't turn up, we cn't achieve anything. and judging by how the holiday training has been, i dn't think they wna win.. let alone reach the finals. if they cannot come down for training regularly, what about when they're in a match.. defending our try line from the opposition with 10 mins left? i do not wna think abt it.

the death toll's swelled to 67 000, apparently. and many more thousands are still unaccounted for. this is really bad. the thing is, we're so near everything, but yet so far. get what i mean?

hmmm. only two days left till 2005. mentally, i've more or less geared myself up for it. police cup '05, my studies. a math in particular. malay too. and maybe track. but that challenge comes only after rugby so i wouldnt wna think much about it. realistically, we can still reach the final despite the dismal attendances throughout the holiday. a few faces have been around with me for each and every training and i would like to give them credit.

firstly, my most enthusiastic, most loyal and the team mate whom i would turn to on the field to rely on- wei kann. you've improved tremendously. your reading of the game especially. do continue to influence the forward pack okay? cheers to the final mate.

yuan zu- he's the quiet one. he plays centre along with me. never hear his voice at all. but he's a great player all the same, having improved alot since last year. speed wise, technically and also the reading of the game. it's all good. thanks for being there and also for bringing my man down whenever i wimp out. wah hah.

max- mr sensitive, as he calls himself. famed for his jinxing and superior acceleration. great tackler, but has to improve on his reading of the game. another one of those players i can count on in a game to save the team.

and of course mark. the reluctant player. haha you've lost the drive, find training sian but i know i can still count on you. pls be better than boon rong okay. (:

these 4 have been indispensable, always the first on the starting line up, and whom i can always count on to come for training. thanks guys, dn't know what i'll do without you.

i'm intending to recollect the whole year and blog abt it, with help from my archives. i think it'd be fun, although owing to school days and all there's not many entries. but ohwells i think it'd be fun.

i think that'd be all lah.

love.

I wasn't even aware of the earthquake and the resulting tsunamis that devastated and perished whole islands and lives until either Jon or Vish mentioned it to me. It was obviously a big thing, as I switched between BBC and CNN. The calamity shocked us as it did to everybody else- at a time of celebration. Just when I thought that Russian bombings; or the Nicoll Highway incident would be as bad as it could get for 2004, this earthquake struck. God IS trying to send us a message. We've just repeatedly turned away His signs. Blind and deaf to His cries for peace and love and devotion to Him. It's not much to ask for right?

We were going about having a wonderful dinner at Jon's place and the next thing i knew, thousands were killed across Asia from Indonesia to India. Thank God Singapore's situated nicely between Malaysia and Indonesia.
But my question- Just how long more till Singapore gets hit by a major catastrophe? What if half our population is wiped out by say, an earthquake? What if some psycho terrorist group does actually manage to sneak a bomb into somewhere central, somewhere with a large crowd? (God forbid)
Are we really really prepared, mentally prepared, for such a thing to happen? Or have we lapsed into apathy and obscurity? After Sept 11, we've gotten used to reading abt bombings and wars and natural disasters there that death tolls mean nothing more than a statistic to us anymore. After all, we're safely nestling at home in accident-free Singapore right? But how long more would our skies be blessed with clouds with silver linings? Just how long more would our streets be safe and not marred be with tragedy, devastation and loss of lives? Physically we are ready. I'm just skeptical about the mental part. SARS displayed our valor and how we rallied together. But it's still considered small-scale, with less than a thousand deaths. We wont have such luck forever. It's just a matter of time, if you ask me. So be prepared.

the anticipation.. all week..
for this day, this night.
such excitement that i harboured, but all for nothing.
a huge disappointment.
the crowd was a disappointment. i never liked the crowd. tonight, it was claustrophobic, stifling and suffocating. everywhere along orchard rd was jst packed, serious. and irritating.. hundreds were spraying cans of confetti and snow and whatever which was super irritating cos they sprayed on everybody and anybody. i met denise, mel, pei, sarah and kristine (sp?) the girls were decked out in black, very classy especially mel's. haha denise looked like candy, y'know the striped red&white cane lollipop. we headed for forum, i have no idea why and then we trooped all the way to cine just so that mel cld get her present from william? hahaha. so tired. i've never liked crowds and really, this would be the first and the last time i'll ever be in town during christmas. either that or i expected more, stg like in '02. today was very forgettable lah. but it's an experience all the same no doubt.

my eyes are drooping already. sleep beckons.
good night, all.
Merry Christmas.

love.

the french call it echecs.
us, english-speaking idiots, call it chess.

a board game for two players, each beginning with 16 pieces of six kinds that are moved according to individual rules, with the objective of checkmating the opposing king. it's smart, engaging and addictive. however, the game of chess may unfortunately be not too straight at times with the myriad ways of defeating your opponent. but hey, it's possible. echecs may take a long time, but there's always a remote chance of achieving that elusive checkmate.

what a frustrating, emotion-sapping day.


trained this morning.
i guess it provided scant consolation for a day that was destined to go down as one to be forgotten.
we did 60m sprints, which was great but i died on the last one, heh.
showered and we met jon for prata.
we were laughing so hard throughout and i welcomed it. i guess we all welcomed it, it gave us an opportunity to actually put aside the turmoil that's been happening around us and to have a few good hours of pure unbridled fun. we went over to my place to change then headed to town to meet mark.
the mood kinda went downhill after that. i was lost, aimless. clueless abt what to get for everybody. i didnt even know who to get stuff for. sheesh. so we were aimlessly walked everywhere in town and ended up buying nothing. nevertheless it was great meeting up with everybody after so long.

i've been in town for the 3rd consecutive day. hell boring, i cn't stand it anymore. the temptation to jst heck it all abt getting presents seems overwhelming. i dn't know. i should have bought them earlier, and i shd have remembered to bring the stuff from bali. sucha dweeb, i am. i had dinner at jo's. i enjoyed that, it was good being there again after ages. her mum especially..
her god family was there and they were a bunch of nice people. i was feeling a little awkward and self-conscious at first though. the food was SUPERB. she made pasta (seafood marinara) and the customary turkey.
one word to describe it- heaven.

basically it's been jst up and down again. and yeah i've got no complains as long as it balances up.
i've gotta be in school tmr, for the school posting tmr. by SEVEN. goodness.

i jst typed an an entry, expressing my astoundment at a revelation a close friend revealed to me.
there's no word that cld summarise how i felt, honestly. anyway, jst as i was abt to click on "publish post" i accidently pressed a wrong key and the whole entry vanished. i reasoned that perhaps it wasn't right to write it out, so i'll leave it as it is.

hurms. i met eunice tdy to catch up on everything before she jets off for shang/beijing on Christmas Eve.
we had a very nice conversation abt everything, jokes and all. hah. we were at tcc, my first time there and i liked the place. marvelling at how it's right smack at Level 2 of Cine and it manages to keep the sound out. i thought lips was the best place in cine to talk and stuff.. apparently not. Tcc's better, but the prices and much more ex! gee. thanks eu, you have a good trip and Merry Christmas.

it's 2247. .
after feeling upset over what happened this evening...
after leaving this page as it was since 8plus...
after a barrage of calls,
after much heartache,
i think my Christmas is officially wrecked.
you can say it's a slight consolation that it's nothing directly troubling me. hell, it's even worse that it's not my problem because then i've got no control over the outcome. sigh it's bad. and this alone is enough to put off my anticipation of Christmas. i've nvr felt so.. weak. so useless. and some people jst has to interfere, trying too hard to clear things out. look, you stay out. you know nuts abt neither of them. pls. gee, i jst felt like telling you to f*** off.

such a rollercoaster day.
a day of extremes.

i love this song.
taufik sang this during sg idol.
if only my grasp of malay is better, i'd have translated it.
sorry.

i've been looking around for a blog template.
something more.. subdued.
orange is rather loud, and somehow i cannot relate to the fish anymore.
saturday's been rather, boring. i wasted it all away on three movies- new york minute, open water and bad boys. i bought 15 dvds for twenty bucks at bali.
dirt cheap.
i cn't wait for the match and dinner tmr, it's gonna be kick-ass fun meeting the guys again.
and everybody's coming back tmr, thank God.
jon, vish and char. whoosh.
im still rather sick, the food poisoning's still around. happens everytime i return from bali.

i've been thinking of recollecting this year.
month by month with aid from the archives, it would be fun. although there would still be many gaps in between. i wonder if i should even do it, events that i still remember happening crystal clear.

and this thing i feel inside has become a parasite, gnawing away inside.
i do not know what i'm doing.
im also frustrated by the fact that i can never write what i wna write here.
because.
anybody anywhere anytime can read it. and somehow your entries are always influenced by such elements. many a times, i've deleted whole entries simply cos i've deemed it too personal.. or perhaps i've feared it wldn't be well-received by somebody. you get what i mean.
there's no trng at all next week due to the Christmas break. bali was productive, i managed to go to the gym and do my running regularly so it's all good. it was a pity that i cldnt go down for the match against jjc. teo said i needn't as there was only abt 20mins left so yeah. but i heard the guys did well, beating them soundly. so that's good news all the same i guess.
Christmas weeks have always been so.. rushed and hectic. the only time of the year when i see town so packed. nvr liked it then. but im looking forward to it, i wna spend every single day out with my friends and all. mm.

Love at first sight is quite impossible isn't it. It's jst a load of bull. The instantaneous attraction that one feels when one sees the other for the first time is merely lust. How can it be love? It's jst a mere fantasy, stuff made out by hopeless romantics. Stuff from books, or movies. What are the chances of a mutual instantaneous attraction?
Why the hell are you even writing about this, you ask.
I'm trying to reason out the logic behind this whole thing. Cos I saw someone, and this someone makes me feel as if my whole future lies with her. Impossible, you say. Yes it is. I'm a skeptic, yes. Reality deals with you harshly at times and you learn. Therefore, it's a mere infatuation. Anyway this happened a few weeks before Bali and during my stay there, during the many hours spent by the pool i have concluded that it's mere infatuation. Duh.

my eardrums are still sore.
i was rooted to my seat at hard rock's centrestage.
the band, solidaz from nz was awesome. they played all kinds of genres, very versatile. i shunned such loud live music. but last night, I was there from 10 to 2am. somehow, and somewhat ironically, the loud music the drum beats pounding mercilessly into my ear provided a solace of sorts. i drowned in the music, allowed myself to be carried away, seemingly in a trance. the incessant pounding of the speakers at full volume gave me a drug-like "high".
with so much stuff on my mind, i welcomed the noise, as i would have it termed. mark would be proud, heh.

anyways im back in sg, back to reality, back to everything.
too fast.
thanks to the guests whom we had to entertain practically everyday. gosh.
tuesday-friday totally passed over like wind. before i know it, im at the airport, then the plane, then singapore again. there isn't any kinda equality, an equation that makes sense. i was feeling nostalgic there, and now, here back home, i yearn to be back in bali. urgh

complete me.

tdy was an ass-irritatingly boring day.
my dad had to bring the guests around bali, to the cultural areas like Ubud and Kintamani.
basically Ubud's the place where the poshest of posh resorts are situated and it's also the place where carpenters carve the beautiful wood sculptures and all. Kintamani is situated further up north at a height of 1500m above sea level. it's literally cool there, and that place provided the only consolation for me. the scenery was breath-taking. had lunch at the balcony and we were facing this mountain, capped by clouds and right below at the foot of it, a shimmering, blue, resplendent and simply amazing lake capped off an amazing lunch. i was like, gaping at it throughout cos it was seriously beautiful. whoosh. after that we journeyed our way down to a few other places. i got back not too long ago. i still cn't access hotmail, how irritating.

and addie, you can stop it. jst click stop and it'll stop. y'know, the li'l button with a red X at the top of the screen. wah hah.


love.

everybody's got something they had to leave behind
one regret from yesterday, that jst seems to grow with time.
thr's no use looking back or wondering,
how it cld have been now, or might have been
this i know, but still i cn't find ways to let you go.


and so on.

was at the pool late afternoon today and this song stopped me right in my mental tracks and sit and to listen. and lyrics jst... blew me away? heh.
today was good. did the run ard kuta again, plus an hr plus of weights. wasted two hrs of sleep watching the manchester game. pretty much sums up this season, them leading till the last few minutes and some nutcase has gotta score. ohwells.

love.

3rd day

my cousin came in ard 1300hrs for his honeymoon.
they only spent a night here at Kuta, and then they were gonna move on to Gili Islands, some exotic place if im not wrong. but it was fun having him ard since im kinda close to both him and his wife. we had lunch, then I introduced him to Kuta's Beach. hahaha 3 hrs of fun getting pounded by the waves. we spent the night shopping for skirts and stuff for his wife, who looked gorgeous in them. and we jst bar-hopped till 2. was dead beat when we got back.

4th.

well i woke up, and ran ard kuta then did some weights. my dad had to attend to some guests who jst arrived and we hafta bring them ard. so much for a much-needed holiday away from such disturbances. ohwells. i swam in the evening. i nvr really liked such holidays. given the situation with the rest of my family. and im practically with them 24/7 for a week. no privacy whatsoever. i've spent my time reading, finished two books alr. thrillers by andy mcnab and david baldacci. the latter was a good read, kept me rooted to my bed practically the whole day of today and yesterday. heh. im starting on "the time traveller's wife" tmr. i've had plenty of stuff to think abt.
basically on how the year has been, the team, on love, on the people i've loved and lost, on my dearest friends and also the rendezvous with ms joy around this time last year too. hahaha. yeah right. more like i had to trudge outta my hotel room at 9plus to guide you ard to get your roxy stuff right. ass.

the topics, people, events that's gone through my mind are far too many to be collated and published here. kinda sad, but that's always been the case so what the hell. i've been at this cafe for ard an hour already. the time's 9plus.

robs you're a genius. thankyousomuch for the autograph. im grinding my teeth in envy that you managed to go for taufik's birthday party. but really, it was extremely thoughtful on your part to have gotten the signature for me. i owe you one dear (:

alright. im gonna call it a night. gonna retreat back to the room, or maybe i'll jst lie by the beach pool. i love the ambience at this time of the night.

love.

jst got back from lunch at pizza hut.
it's been okay i guess.
typical bali day for me, heh.

woke up and gymed for ard two hrs.
but it's been kinda boring!
cos it's only my family ard.
at least my cousin's coming down for his honeymoon tmr.
yeah besides that, it's been pretty ordinary.

hopefully i'll go down to the beach for some waves ltr.
whoo.
thr're babes galore, it's peak time here.
wah hah.
if only mark was here. bleh.


love!

jst got back from lunch at pizza hut.
it's been okay i guess.
typical bali day for me, heh.

woke up and gymed for ard two hrs.
but it's been kinda boring!
cos it's only my family ard.
at least my cousin's coming down for his honeymoon tmr.
yeah besides that, it's been pretty ordinary.

hopefully i'll go down to the beach for some waves ltr.
whoo.
thr're babes galore, it's peak time here.
wah hah.
if only mark was here. bleh.

Love knows no reasons,
love knows no lies.
Love defies all reasons,
love has no eyes.
But love is not blind,
love sees but doesn't mind.

i love you just the way you are

i enjoyed today.

although today didnt really start off well because i couldn't sleep the whole night. firstly i was woken up by jon's phone call at ard 1 i think. i got irritated because i just fell asleep. y'know, the feeling to be rudely awaken just as you doze off. i rejected his call. hah. sorry jon, it's not your fault yeah. and the incident basically set the tone for the whole night. everytime i tried falling asleep, i'd be awaken by one thing or another.

went to src to use the hot/cold pool cos my muscles were still kinda bruising from wednesday. met ling at suntec after that. it was so good seeing her after ages, since july to be exact. i really enjoyed time with her, we lunched at pasta scotts. shared a pizza, soup and garlic bread. thanks sweets! (:

the match was good, fun. relaxing. i enjoyed it. although it was kinda intimidating coming up against the likes of weiqi, ben and the other older old boys. hah. it was really good seeing the team. aaron, joel, khidir, gerald (wah hah) and alvin. it definitely brought back not only a smile to my face but a flood of memories with it as well. flashbacks of matches played together and all. too bad i didnt have the opportunity to play with them today. i didnt know my src team mates, sean and paul, were from sji. and yeah, i played with them for a quarter of the match. today's match was okay i guess, i got my running lines right most of them time. my kicking wasnt too bad either so it's a good day. to sum everything up i went over to javier's for dinner and to watch some show. basically to catch up with things, reminiscent of my sec1-2 days. hah.

such.. ebullience!
such joy.
such happiness
such jubilance! exhilaration!

ahhhh.
HE won.
WHOOOOOOOOOSH.
i dn't believe this.
simply cos i thought sly had a larger fan base.
ha!
so sg idol has some meritocracy after all.
taufik deserved to win. every single bit.
for his evolution from being a "arrogant, unpolished diamond" to being the gem that he is now.
for possessing those amazing eyes, the eyes that exudes such raw emotion those eyes that exudes such charm and whatever! it's jst cool and he's so SMOOTH. somehow he has the complete package! char only likes his voice. you said it okay, you can only have his voice. i can imagine taufik's songs being played on airwaves worldwide. such versatality! im like drowning in elation!

good night!