leaves on the seine.

today, proves yet again, that
Friendship above everything else is Golden.
a bond forged for life.
thanks mark!

it takes two to tango.
it takes two to love.

the past the now the future.

it's shrouded in doubt, uncertainty.
a void. i've been living a life of regrets.

"damn, i shd have done this better.."
"damn, i shd have TRIED harder.."
"damn, i shd have tried for experience.."

it's unhealthy. i realised i have been living my life day by day, without no planning whatsoever. i have worryingly become pathetically apathetic abt my school work, especially. not handing in assignments, instead of being a priority, stood lazily at the back of my mind. i haven't woke up, not since PSLE. i entered SJI, contented with who and what i was, failing to realise that hey, it's not more westlake primary, or it's not PRIMARY school anymore for that matter. i failed to realised the urgency of it all. and from the first term assesment in sec one till now, i have been on a never ending decline in a never ending well. a well of ignorance, misplaced pride and confidence.. you name it. im a shadow of my former self in a way, i acknowledge that i lost a lot of self-confidence. this happens when you are hit mercilessly with different blows, simultaneously in your solar plexus, your face, your tummy, your legs rendering you paralysed. and every attempt i make to try to overcome this paralysis, is an illusion. it's more like a pathetic try at denying myself what should have been crystal clear all this while- that i was failing. and as they all say, failure to plan is to plan to fail. i guess it's nvr too late but you can consider it a crisis when you are grappling with the fact that you might be retained, or worse, kicked out. it's scary, honestly.

on hindsight, this year's the first semester was pure gibberish. it was defenestrated the moment i entered the class for the first time. mr liew said something earlier this week which has leeched itself on my mind- "dn't make failing a habit"
i guess with all my failures in my academics especially, i have been adopting a very wrong mindset. when i see an incomprehensible math or physics question, my mind automatically turns off. when i see mind-boggling symbols and terms, it switches off. it's wrong, and i have realised that. it's so tough sometimes, but who cares? time definitely doesnt. above all this, procrastination has been tough as well. ah enough of all this useless self-pitiful rubbish. it's behind me. the year, although full of regrets, have been one full of lessons learnt as well as much fun. the wonderful bond forged with the other four, the wonderful season i had with both SJI and SRC, the friendships treasured and lost.. it's been pretty eventful.

haha i feel silly, cus i thought this should be done only at the end of the year. ohwells, friday's drawing to a close. tmr wld be yet another attempt to complete all my work and stuff, and i hope it wouldnt be in vain. tkcare all, i pray God be with you during this stressful period.

love.

i jst realised the seriousness of this whole thing, this thing we call the end yr exams.
it really is nearing, nearer than i thought it wld be. already, i find myself lapsing into yet another period of complacency and apathy. half the week is already gone, gone without me doing much productive revision, save for a math and a little geog. what abt the rest? shivers* i know they're gonna be harsh abt the results, but i'll scrape through. i know i can.

tdy hasnt been good. alr, during Lit, i found out tht my pen leaked, causing a huge blot of ink to form at the bottom of my breast pocket. it's big enough, definitely noticeable. haa. fast forward to RME, after recess. we were required to complete the annual assesment. very thought-provoking questions. it was a list of questions meant to wrap up our module on BGRs and sexuality.

" what benefits can be derived from having a relationship? list 5. "
" what are the traits in the opp. sex tht you look out for whilst dating? "
" what are the traits in the opp. sex tht you look out for, for marriage? "
is there a difference in the two, if so, what is it and reflect.

i wld like to know your answers to the above, jst drop a comment (:

practical aft sch didnt go as well as i thought it should have. screwed up chem, inhaled so much ammonia, and spilled some weird concoction of acids and wht have you. went to the Annex to do math for two hrs, with mr low. this' where i realised that.... i know less than 30% of the syllabus. and upon reflection, i admitted to myself.. with regret... tht the first semester of this year was wasted away. i thought i was past the dreaming/dazing. but last semester bore testimony that nope, it was still ard. i've learnt, i've tried harder. but harder is not enough, argh. ohwells. i intend to watch tonight's match, so yup good night.

much lovee.
zul.

aft much tampering with the html codes,
i have not only blew away the whole of my tuesday afternoon and night,
i've managed to get stg to my liking. although it's not THE lay-out tht im looking for,
this lay-out's something that i used earlier this year.
so i guess that's a slight consolation. it's 2130 and i've got to do a Lit essay.
the guys in class are driving tracy goh nuts, i wldnt wna disappoint her myself.
so here goes,
g'night.

love.



-->
Dates: 05 Feb 2005, Sat 8.00 PM An Evening with DAVID LANZDavid LanzBrought to you by La GuitarraUSAWhen: 05 Feb 2005 (Sat), 8.00 PM at the Theatre
Now for the first time in Singapore, be enthralled by one of the world's best-selling new age pianists, David Lanz in an unforgettable evening of solo piano recital featuring some of his most popular and endearing works since the 80's.With sold-out concerts and millions of albums sold, pianist-composer David Lanz is an instrumental music icon embraced by hundreds of thousands of music fans around the world. Like no other, David gently infuses deep sensitivity and passion into his performances and is able to touch the hearts of his listeners with the tender power of music.David Lanz's expressive touch at the keyboard has led listeners worldwide to seek out his evocative, piano-based compositions for more than two decades. Summoning lovely, heart-touching melodies from a deep, internal reservoir of passion and clarity, Lanz is the curator of an emotionally stirring body of work that has established him as one of contemporary music's most popular and most intriguing instrumentalists. Among Lanz's best-selling recordings included the landmark Cristofori's Dream which was #1 on Billboard's adult alternative/new age chart for 27 weeks and went platinum.His amazing performances have captured the hearts and minds of hundreds of thousands of fans around the world and have made him an instrumental icon. Reviewers frequently employ such words as uplifting and inspiring, yet superlatives cannot describe the emotions that fill the concert hall when he performs. One truly has to be there. 90 mins with intermission

a broken heart cn't be tht bad?
when it's through, it's through
fate will twist the both of you
so come on, let me be the one to show you

im the one who wants to be with you
deep inside i hope you'd feel it too
i've waited, on a line of green and blues
jst to be the next, to be with you

where's the confidence?
build it, so you can be on top for once.
i've seen it all go out,
this game of love all rained out..
so, come,
let me be the one to hold you
why be alone when we can be together?

you'll make my lifetime worthwhile
and i'll in turn, wld make you smile.

(:

When two souls,
which have sought each other for long
have finally found each other,
A union.
fiery and sure as they themselves are;
begins on earth and continues eternally in Heaven.

This is Love, true love.
a religion..
which you inspire in me.
and it is your soul-made to love with the purity and passionof angels.

foralways.