leaves on the seine.

today's training pretty much summed up the frustration that i've felt since training restarted in late october. we're playing sas this wednesday and sajc on friday.
for today's training, 27 turned up. 10 sec ones, 3 sec twos and 14 sec threes. our forwards packed included jay at wing forward, ig at prop and bryan as a second row. which simply means that we're severely short of first teamers.

our first team already requires a whole load more of improvement, what more our reserves! so many are overseas. i used to fret as i looked at each and every one of my team mates and used to shake my head in despair at some of the first teamers. but today has taught me to appreciate and make do with whoever that we have. i was very surprised at how mr teo did the selecting.
imagine you're coach, and you're faced with only one or two first teamers and like, so many reserves that you've rarely seen before! but no, he jst went up and made do with who we had. wow. i respected him, really. cos i'll be damn frustrated. he jst went abt choosing the team.

i do not under rate the team, nor do i look down on them. i am frustrated due to the lack of urgency that a majority of them show. they dn't seem to understand the fact that for us to achieve a credible 3rd or higher, we've gotta work hard. very hard. but no, they're coming for trng as if it's jst for leisure, putting in only half of their best effort. what crap is this? stop mucking ard damn it! only a handful give in their best. the rest.... i havent even seen them for trng. it's worrying and i've been under tremendous stress due to this. i hope the two upcoming matches would wake them up to reality. the reality that we're a really weak side currently.

leadership. captaincy.
i know not of where my fault lies. andy has told me that i'm rather self centred and i go abt during trng supposedly with a swagger. i disagree. i consciously make an effort to lower myself and try to be part of this year's team. i regret not bonding with them earlier. but it was only natural that i was closer to the snrs, (aaron's batch) why? because i was of a similar frequency with them and also cos i alr started playing with them in secone. this year's police cup bonded us even closer, am i to be blamed? no. whenever i try to chat up with my team mates, they speak of games like halo or rome empire or whatever. how to talk! on the field i've gotta admit, i do not really have a control over the team. they're very sluggish, irresponsive to me. like when we do warm ups and all. again, it comes down to having a lack of urgency. i dn't understand, really. maybe they are trying, but not hard enough perhaps? i dn't know. whatever it is i jst hope it changes, starting from the match against saints.

i learnt abt both the matches only today during morning trng. i guess after today's training, SJI goes into the match on wed with morale on an all-time low. really, it was depressing. sad. kann and i were trying to get the others to talk and all.. and again, no response. !!
thr's only so much max, kann, zu, mark and i can do for the team. it's the team effort. if the forwards do not recycle fast, if the forwards cannot win the scrums and line-outs, the backs wont get any opportunity to score at all! look at saints- their pack are solid, i dn't even wna talk let alone think abt their back line. good thing asanul's out for this one. but rather than focusing on them, i guess we'd jst hafta focus and concentrate our effort and scrape through both this matches. if sas is daunting, sajc wld be even worse. why? not only cos of the mental fear that they're better but also cos they're definitely more physically imposing. the thought of jay or kann going against weiqi scares me. wah hah. there's somewhat an air of resignation going around, as if all of us have accepted the fate. our fate that it's gonna be a screwed up season.
bullshit. we've still got a long way to go, we still can improve, we still can reach the finals.

commitment and urgency and focus guys.

today was kinda fun before afternoon trng. mark moses max and zu came over to my place after morning physical to shower and all. ate at far east then proceeded to dfs to sleep before gg for trng again. a hell of a lame time with them man. haha charlotte likes her present! whoo (:
i've got the SJI sports conference tmr, which most prolly lasts the whole day. thinking of catching shutter after that, heard it was kinda good. shrugs i'll see how the situation tmr goes.
im all alone at home, everyone's at the chalet in east coast. but i passed cos i was too tired.

love.


p.s. enamoured no more.

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